Don’t women say the daftest things🤨 Dogs Breath (the Wife) said “I’ve just picked my Leopard skin coat up from the cleaners, it’s spotless!” 🙄 She said “I saw a lovely jacket for you, it was only 6 Quid” I said “it’s the f**king dry cleaners it’ll belong to someone daft arse”😳 I had the urge to rip her knickers off the other day, well they are dead tight on me! I had no clean undies 🤭

The pub was open on Saturday night🍺 George the barman said “what would you like?” I said “surprise me” so he showed me a photo of my wife in the nude 😏 I said “nice try George, but it can’t be her, her legs are closed”🤣🤣

My Dad used to always say “I’d like to live until I’m 100yrs old and receive a letter from the Queen” 👑 I’d say to him, “Dad you’ve got 9 kids, you should have got a letter from the chemist” 😂 I said “Dad you could have had a f**king football team”⚽️ he said “not really son, because your mam had no inside left” (sorry about that shite gag 😂). We used to say to him, Dad will you pay the rent, because the tear gas the landlord is throwing at us is burning our eyes 😷😳

We had a strange family😬 our pet parrot only knew 5 words! Quick get out the window! 🤪

Mam was telling her sister that Dads mate had some prick on him, she said it was like a six foot hedgehog 🦔

Arthur was at least six feet seven tall when he died, they said the price of the coffin was expensive ⚰️ I said “why don’t you put a hand-grenade in his pocket, then he’ll fit in a shoe-box” 😂

Some time ago, it was mentioned that my mate was lazy!😀 I said no he’s not, he is just very superstitious! He won’t work if the week has a Monday in it 😂👍 He’ll stand in a revolving door waiting for someone to push it for him 🙄🤣

Be kind to each other 🙏🙏🙏

I’ll text soon

Everyone Stay Safe


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